Film Review: JHOOTHA HI SAHI

SPEX Appeal: John AbraHAM's in JHOOTHA HI SAHI

Jhoota Kahin Ka! Arey Yahin Ka... John Abraham, Abbas Tyrewala, Pakhi Tyrewala, AR Rahman and everyone who is a part and parcel of the production Cinergy and Tell Tale Pictures are all LIARS and LIARS. That includes one of the Idiot (R Madhavan) who was a good IdioHIT in 3 Idiots, but in this film he looks like one!

Everyone - Right from the beginning of this venture went on raving the product and was claiming it to be 'different'. And this different film is no different from any other 'boring' film!

John AbraHAM' - yes, he almost HAMS in most of the scenes and his scenes are also Hammy ones! He plays a double Abraham. Not double role, tho'.. But plays a Nerdy (Gawd! Not anymore - Enough of Nerds) and a Handsome Guy! One with Spex Appearance and one with a Sex Appearance! But, whatever.. John looks the same, ditto! Same plastic expression to his face! And sex or no spex - its the same! - completely shaved with chickna looks... John woos the director's wife in the film (And this is one of the worst couple of Bollywood).

He owns a Book Store and She a DVD store! But there is nothing in store for the fans! Its Yawn! When on Phone, he is perfect - advising everyone like a Love guru (not to commit suicide) and when he comes face to face - he stammers! A suicide helpline - and his brother and sister in law to help, his gay friends to accompany and a girlfriend beside him (added to which) Maddy's guest appearance as Pakhi's Boyfriend all are a Big Bore to this TYREWALA's Film - And Is Film ko JAANE DO... Before YOU JAANE NA! - Give it a Miss!

(That's because, this film was made by the director who made the Hit film: Jaane Tu.. Ya Jaane Na).. Now, wonder what the hell did he do with this script and a mindless film? Na Jaane Naaa...

And everyone are just Crying (singing): Cry Cry.. I am sure, this AR Rahman's worst score is now in every distributors lips: Cry Cry! or rather they are experiencing it/shedding tears (Cry)! as the amount they spent on the rights for this film - they would at least afford to buy some branded Shoes (as the SHOE must go on! - JHOOTHA hi Sahi)!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic!

Film Review: RAKHT CHARITRA

BLOODY SCREEN: Its gonna be RAKHT CHAR-'HIT'-RA everywhere!

Welcome to BLOOD BANK. Blood of all types - O, A, B, AB Positive and Negative. Loads of Blood Flooded on the Silver Screen. And before you Scream: Khoon! Khoon! Khoon!!! (woah! that sounds like a 70's and 80's Hindi film - wherein a servant comes to the room and sees his Memsaahab murdered with a knife and half a liter of blood on her).. But, here its tons and tons of Blood splashed everywhere! And RGV calls this 'Bloody' film of his - RAKHTA CHARITRA!

Its Gang War in Telugu Desam! Reality Screams on Screen! Indian cinema's enfant terrible may just have peaked in his perennial quest to portray the worst in man. The real rivalry between the Andhra Pradesh gangsters Paritala Ravi and Madela Cheruvu Suri is brought with blood galore on the rusty regions of Anandpur to Celluloid. Its Ravi's journey from a soft-spoken man to a jungle-bound rebel bent on avenging the deaths of his father and brother. And the revenge from both the parties is also politically captured by Shivaji Rao (a take off character from the politician NTR). And whats more, its Blood some more! The film has an Interval and another long Interval (for a period of 3 weeks) before you get to see the continuation of the Bloody Film! Rakhta Charitra Part II to HIT the screens on November 19th.

Now, I mentioned HIT the screens. Because, its for sure, that the film is a HIT. This film is technically brilliant with the Script, Screenplay and the Background score. Direction of RGV with his camera moments doing the magic, its the acting capabilities of Vivek Oberoi and Abhimanyu Singh that gets lots of applauds and could be in the nomination lists of awards too! Shot Gun is impressive as a Politician and his get up is brilliant! Radhika Apte gets little scope and she gets attention! Hey, did you ask for Surya, the Tamil actor? Wait..N Watch for his performance will be highlighted in the II series. And the Kannada actor Sudeep gets No Phoonk this time! He looks more or less like an Extra in the film.

But Yes.. This film is definitely not for the Classes. But for the Masses. And for the Gory and Strong Hearted Ruthless and Stone Hearted Masses, as they would love to see the killings, murders, torture and cruelty on screen. I guess, RGV was a 'Butcher' in his previous birth as he gets his actors enact the brutal killings that a Butcher does with his animal in the slaughter market! (Men being hacked to death, maimed by bloodied sickles, bodies hammered with bullets, body parts strewn around). And this film is strictly avoidable to the Ladies and Children. Meant only for ADULTS and MEN only! Now that is something a PORN film can be! With so much PAIN and CHARITRA-HEEN (as women are assaulted and raped in broad daylight). It can be a Ooh, Aah and more 'Ouch' for everyone watching this PAINFUL film!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: HISSS

Its better to take a HIZZZ instead of watching HISSS... Give it a MISSS!

DISCLAIMER: All that I have written here is from my heart and with all frustration. This review is dedicated to Mallika Sherawat. Hope she and the maker of the film (Jennifer) read this!

I am a die hard Snake Fan. I love to watch Snake films and have watched them right from Nagin in 70's followed by my favorite Sridevi's Nagina and Nigahen and all those films from South (original) and at times the dubbed versions of all those Snake films. Must say, all the Snake films that are made down South with special effect are LOLs.. but interesting to watch.... Although I don't have any fond memories of any movies.

My all time Snake films till date are only NAGIN and NAGINA (of course!). Although NIGAHEN was good, it is only becoz of Sridevi.

Now coming to HISSS... I was pretty excited to watch the film as a Snake Lover and then secondly, had to watch it for you (to write Review). I did watch it late (2 days delay) as I was hospitalized, and when I saw the film yesterday... All that I can say to Mallika Sherawat is:

Main Tera Dushman, Dushman Tu Mera.. Tu Naagin Main Saphera!

Would want to capture her and lock her and torture her. So that she stops going overboard about Hisssing around! She is the worst snake and a weird actress one has come across! And the maker, Jennifer Lynch has to get some crash course in directing. It looks like an amateur film. I would advice her to assist me in one of my film to learn direction :P and this is one of the sarcastic comment for the so called Hollywood Director! What the hell were good actors Irfan Khan and Divya Dutta doing in the film. I am sure, they them self don't have any answer!

Are you looking for a Story?

Jez... there is no story.. but yes... a mixture of many SNAKEWOOD films from BOLLYWOOD. Manllika Sherawat plays a Snake Woo-man! who woos every man, bites him (like a lengthy python plastic snake). A film about NAG MANI and this film made with so much MONEY is not worth a PENNY! The film has no screenplay and the director does not know how to keep the scenes going. The film is just a time pass for people who don't know how to pass a time!

Mallika KISSSES a Python in the film (may be assuming that is Emran Hissshmi) and does nothing but poses Nude for couple of scenes (now, was it her or a body double, who cares?) as the film lacks sense and sensuality and can be categorized as a C grade Snakex Film!

And finally, when I saw a limited people around inside the theater for a night show, rather than watching HISSS.. they were all HIZZZing around! Yep.. this film is better avoidable and give it a MISSS....

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic!

Film Review: ANJAANA ANJAANI

They are No Strangers! ANJAANA and ANJAANI are Waiting to Welcome you at a Theatre Near You!

Welcome to Suicide Strangers. Yes. Anjaana Hero and Anjaani Heroine are on their way to Suicide and the strangers meet. Their suicide plan cancels for time being, and both decide to commit the crime (Sue side). Yes, they sue each other and show each other (their body and bare) as the journey they proceed to suicide, turns out to be both on each other side, falling in love and their plans go haywire! Their plan is scheduled for a 31st December to end the life. And till then, their unfilled wishes has to come true. So they make use of the last 20 days of their life to the fullest before they say 'Alvida' to the world! A romantic comedy, lacks the sentiment and the comedy too (the telugu version was well handled). But... Wait.. don't come to conclusion! Its Ranbir kapoor.. the actor can carry everything on his shoulder. Including Piggy Chops as he Carries her too! (a la Vikram Vetaal poster) And his antics are the Best. So is Piggy Chops who also compliments equally. Check out for their Chemistry as this ANJAANA and ANJAANI will be a hot couple to watch out! And also watch out the DISCO DANCER club number picturised on Ranbir Kapoor.. Jhoomo, Nacho, Aur Iske Saath Naacho Aooo!!! Ooh.. Aah.. Ouch!!! Ranbir almost does a Striptease at the Club! This Kapoor Cub is definitely the Next Super Star!!! (I wish I could direct him someday!)

My verdict to this film: Watch it - As you will Love it - But mind you - don't compare it to JAB WE MET. HUM TUM or other films about Strangers Meeting and Falling (in love)! This is different and it is as the ANJAANA Kapoor and ANJAANI Chopra makes it look fresh and flamboyant with fragrance too! So, go for it!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: ROBOT

Style King ROBOTkanth will definitely endhiRUN at the Box Office! No doubt about it!

Here comes the Magnus Opus. As for now, the Mother of all, or do I say Father of All Indian Cinema. The Biggest Extravaganza cinema. ROBOT - A Man, A Machine and His Mohabbat! It was Two Superstars Big B and Rajni pairing together in Hatricks (Andha Kanoon, Geraftaar and Hum), that created Magic at the Box Office. And today its Rajni pairing with Babu B (Ash) for his Magnificent ROBOT! And it goes without doubt to say, that this film will be sure fire success!

Dr. RAJNIKANTH creates a Machine and puts life into it, that's ROBOT-KANTH who walks, talks, sings, dances, romances, fights and also does all that the Style King used to do over the years. Its Style King ROBOTkanth for now! He is a SUPER STAR who also is a SUPER HERO and turns into a ANACONDA too!!! Shankar's Imagination takes this film for a High Level Feeling of an Extravaganza. While Ash is the love interest of the Doctor, its ROBOT who falls in love with her. It then turns out to be a Triangular love Story between a Man, Woman and a Machine! Tied up with a Biology Love and a Technology Love, Ash is required to be looking stunning and beautiful as always! And that's in Shankar's Jeans (Genes) to make his heroine look lavishly beautiful, right from Ash in Jeans to Manisha and Urmila in Indian and Shreya in Sivaji!

If Avatar can be accepted in India, then ROBOT, no doubt will be accepted everywhere, even in the poor HOLLYWOOD too! That reminds me to add here.. I am not referring it to the HOLLYWOOD in America. But to the poor Kannada film titled HOLLYWOOD, which also has similar story line. But, with low standards and ham scenes between the actors of the caliber of Upendra and Australian Actress Felicity and a no monkey business, the film was a bore to the core! While, Shankar's inspiration from that Kannada film to make a Lavish Rich Production deserves to be applauded and praised to sky level high. (Whoever remembers the Kannada film and would compare, should actually retire and forget the film).

The film is a treat to watch for its graphics, for its color and costumes (Manish Malhotra), for its choreography (Prabhu Deva and Raju Sundaram) and for its melodious and foot tapping music by AR Rahman. And before I forget, the versatile Danny Denzongpha is back as a short time villain (Yep, his screen presence ends up soon) and here comes the new villain - ROBOT who gets Negative after a few reels turn on, but no one is complaining as its ROBOTkanth who is the Villainish Hero of the film!

KHANS beware - Shah Rukh, Salman, Aamir - Here comes RajniKHANt whose acting style is now being copied by his own dupe.i.e, ROBOT! And He is the Big Boss of Indian Cinema!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic