Review: THE DIRTY PICTURE!

The Film is surely gonna be a D(HIrT)Y PICTURE!

The film starts with a Ooh..Aah.. and ends up in the couch with a bigger ouch! It then moves on to Ooh. La..Laa and at the end of the film one can say Voila! The film is definitely a DHIrTy Picture! Sexcellent and Outstanding! Yes, the film deserves to get a Standing Ovation and lots of applauds and all the awards for Vidya Balan in the season of awards to follow.

Mind It! Whoever had criticized right from the beginning of this films start that Vidya was a bad and a wrong choice to play the sensuous Silk on screen, take back your words as I truly say, No other actress would have done justice to the character of Silk. And today, Silk from above, would be a happy soul to see that a film on her life is portrayed and is received with dignity and respect.

If one even try not to accept it, I certify this that: The film is a truly inspired by Silk Smitha’s life! No doubts about it!

Although its rated as a Dirty Picture, with a little bit of sensuous, erotic and sexual scenes thrown in the film (which is the main essence of this concept), the film truly is a Masterpiece and one of the best films of 2011.

The sets of Madras (not Chennai) in 1980's is brilliant with the entire scenario being Tamil film posters, Magazines and Hoardings. The costumes, the jewellery and the props (tamil magazines, telephones, condoms, cigarettes) all reminds you of being in Madras. Even the smallest of smallest characters are all South Indian with lungis and half sarees. Except for the Hit Tamil Song Nakka Mukka repeatedly in the film, there is Not even a Single Tamil dialogue in this Hindi film, which actually can easily be taken as a South Indian Film.

The film deserves a special mention for the witty and excellent dialogues. One will smile throughout and even laugh out loud at the dialogues. It’s too good and penned with lots of creativity. If the film brought a lot of smile on my face it also got down tears down my cheeks too! Not to forget, some front benchers watching the film in B & C grade centers would go Wettt in their Lungies too! (Lots of such Punch line and dialogues in the film are clap worthy).

The Performance of the 3 men who lust, love and hate Silk got their best tailor made role for their career and with frame 1 to frame - The End its Vidya Vidya and Vidya entertaining the audience from 16 to 60 - Class and Mass audience, irrespective of guys, girls and the other sex too! (Let me add here: Its Woman Power as the multiplex was with 60:40 audiences - the Woman being on the higher ratio)

Finally, as the tag line goes: Films run on 3 things: Entertainment, Entertainment, Entertainment and Hats off to Ekta Kapoor, Milan Lutharia and Vidya Balan for Entertaining with a 2 hours 25 minutes long Sexcessful (I mean Successful film)
As a South Indian, I would say: Sooooper Hittt Picture Machcha!!! - Highly Recommended. Watch it and get the Poora Paisa Vasool!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic
(Oops.. I ended up giving a Clean Review to this Dirty Picture and yes, it deserves 5/5 Stars)

My RA.VIEW of RA.ONE

Here are some of my Views on RA.ONE

I hope you like it and take it very easy!

* RA.One boasts of A One special effects but Zero content! - No Soul in the film, and its all hurriedly done with half baked screenplay and not the way SRK films are. Good in parts only!


* Well... the film will do well coz kids will love it - 3D experience and more over the graphix. But, an adult - will yawn! Rajnikants cameo will raise claps aloud continously for those 2 minutes, resulting in not even making one understand the dialogues.. such is an impact of Rajnikanth in a Shah Rukh Khan film


* Songs come from nowhere abruptly and no details given why a Villain (Ra.one) came out from the video game, How? - many questions unanswered, and looks because of an abrupt ending - there is a possiblity of a sequel.. 


* The opening scene of the film is a total LET DOWN... Lol... Sanjay Dutt and Priyanka Chopra - do NOT IMPRESS


* The only thing one would like to see is the GORGEOUS KAREENA KAPOOR


*  My VERDICT: Frankly speaking RA.One means (RAjnikanth the Only ONE). Thats it, besides this SRK, Kareena, The little boy, Sanju Baba, Priyanka Chopra and the main villain Arjun Expressionless Ramphal are all just caricatures in the film. No one gets any applause but only Yawn! Its only when RAJNI comes for a Scene - Its all WHISTLES, APPLAUSE, NOISE and SMILES on your face.


* Rajinikanth's one-scene cameo as 'Chitti' garners more applause than Shah Rukh wins in the whole film! Besides, Ra.One is nowhere near to Rajni's ROBOT. For all those who want to see Ra.One - its definitely only a ONE time watch. I bet, second time if given a chance, One will easily give it a Miss :)


* What a Comparison: TARAN ADARSH gives 4.5 Stars for RA.ONE, KOMAL NAHTA gives 3.5 and RAJA SEN gives 1.5 Stars. Well, ask me: I would give it just ONE star and that is not as a Reviewer, but to say there is only ONE Star in the Film to save the 2.5 hours film and that is RAJANIKANTH. He is no doubt the Only ONE. RA(jnikanth).ONE :)


* RA.One's RA.VIEW is BAD and WORSE everywhere. Except for the few CRITICS who get paid to write, the rest (audience) just loved 2 things in the film: The Graphix and RA.jnikanth!


* RA.One hasn't WON my heart.. I hope this is not the same with DON TOO (2). What DIWALI could not get sparkled, maybe XMAS can do the Magic!


* The fate of Shah Rukh Khan's RA.ONE is somewhere closer to Abhishek Bachchan's RAAVAN. Also, there was an old film with the title RAVAN, that didnt do well, which implies that The Evil is Always an EVIL!


* RA.One is a video game that can be played on a PSP/I Phone or your Laptop at home. Dont have to go to a Multiplex to watch it and waste your time and money too!


* Didn't the Railway Authorities tell SRK that: GAADI KE CHATH PE YAATRA KARNA JAANLEVA HO SAKTA HAI :)


* I still prefer Abhi - Ash's super flop RAAVAN than this video game RA.ONE :)


* I still cant figure out that the 'child' in the film Ra.One was a boy or a girl? :P


* BREAKING NEWS: RA.ONE to be telecast next week on SAHARA.ONE and repeat telecast in STAR.ONE :)


* Dont the makers know the fact that the name LUCIFER means Devil. Lucifer is the King of Devil and having it named for a Kid (who is an innocent) - besides G.1 is supposed to be an Farishta (Angel) to protect LUCIFER.. Lol.. This is a Biggest Joke! Infact, LUCIFER and RAAVAN come under same category!


* How can SRK make fun of South Indians? Its ridiculous. No South Indian (Tamilian) for real will ever have curds in noodles. Its sick! (Thats making fun) and secondly, no one will pronounce KONJUM KONJUM as CONDOM CONDOM (thats actually sick)


* Kareena cant speak a single word of Tamil in the movie but ends up singing 6 lines of perfect TAMIL in Chammak Challo :) Lolz


* Havent seen any South Indian doing a karwa chauth! First time ever, saw it in Ra.ONE !


* RA.ONE is STRICTLY meant only for CHILDREN below 15 Yrs. My son Silver Malaniis 14 yrs and he just loved the film! Its CERTIFIED:)


And Finally,


* Seeing all such comments .. .RA.One is threatening to Kill Me :)


Yours
Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: 7 KHOON MAAF

Piggy CHOP'S her 7 Hubbies as she celebrates Weddings and Funerals!

Woman Power continues this year after Rani and Vidya got Justice for KILLER JESSICA, here Priyanka does Justice in Killing her Husbands! And before you frame her for Murder, Think Twice! Or rather Thrice.. Oops Seven Times!

Its the story of SAATHALI (like, Draupadi got tagged Panchali)... There has been no lady in the history so far who has had the liberty to marry, remarry and be a widow 7 times. Voila! Bride Priyanka goes 'I do' and 'Khabool Hai' as its 'Shaadi Mubarak' for her. These Marriages Are NOT made in Heaven, for sure! As I have to put it, definitely not in HISTORY and Piggy got this wonderful opportunity to exhibit her body to 7 Men, young and old, Indian and Russian men and hence, the only Indian Woman in the History of Cinema to have 7 costars opposite her. Its another Feather in her cap, after she playing 12 Star Signs in WHATS YOUR RASHEE.. Here, Priyanka (playing a single role but varies from her teenage to old age - thus having 7 shades to her colorful character)

The Husbands (Niel Nitin Mukesh, John Abraham, Irffan Khan, Aleksandr Dyachenko, Annu Kapoor, Naseeruddin Shah and Vivan Shah) BED with her and then they are DEAD! RED! BLOOD! but not galore! Oops.. this is not RGV's Blood Story (read, Raktha Charitra)! As it was Blood with Violence, Vishal's film is Blood with Violins! An opera style a la, Bhansali Films! Like Vishal's canvas here is with the Anglo-Indian generals, candle-lit Victorian interiors, grandeur weddings, soulful funerals and rustic churches.

Coming back to KHOON, its unbelievable that a Catholic Girl gets a chance to marry 3 Christian Men, 2 Muslim Men and 2 Hindu Men. No Bishop or Pope will ever give such permission anywhere! But, its Vishal Bharadwaj (the Pope) who grants wedding to Suzanna whose 7 Husbands are: Major Edwin Rodrigues, Jimmy Stetson, Wasiullah Khan, Nicolai Vronsky, Keemat Lal, Dr. Modhusudon Tarafdar and Arun. One by one, the SEVEN go to HEAVEN (or rather HELL) as our 'Darrrrlingggg' gives them Freedom from life and grants Death to them unwillingly! Its Death with Style that she gets to SLEEP and then SWEEP them away! Its Love, Sex and Dhoka that goes with further ingredients of Lust, Poison, Vengeance, Doubt, Thrills, Chills and Kills! Piggy gets to Chop everyone, but before you say to her: MURDERER! Wait! As her 7 Killings are Validated. Point to be Noted and re-thought about.

Well, if such is the case of a wife killing her selfish, womanizer, molester and a doubtful husband - then no doubt, Indian women will use Priyanka Chopra as their role model who have suffered from their husbands and may take such bold step! And before someone does that: Statutory Warning: This is a film with fiction and nothing to be considered original!

Hence, watch it for Priyanka Chopra's Award Winning Performance and the Dark Shade Comedy Thriller!

Final Verdict: Go for it, as its Priyanka on the Kill! As for Box office Verdict: Who cares?

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: PATIALA HOUSE

Its Balle Balle time for PATIALA HOUSE! that will go HOUSE-FULL!!!

Howzatt? Punjabi... Balle Balle... Super Hit Dance and Its Super Hit Sixer!!! Bat and Balle's ... Chachaji, Mausiji, Beeji and the entire Yash Raj/Rajshree Family Members assemble from Punjab in United States for this Hindi Punjabi film PATIALA HOUSE. Gattu loves cricket, papa hates it. Rich traditional values and Mom's the word. Papa Dont Preach as Beta respects Pa. As the life goes on, its about Second Chance. Its Punjabi Khudi (the new fresh wave - Baajaa Baarat Ladki) who encourages and supports Akki to play Cricket and win the game and the heart of the stone hear ted Rishi too! All ends well with Winning the Trophy at the stadium and the trophy from the Big Fat Punjabi Family. A Family Get together at the end for a Big Size Family Photograph. Wonder, what is Bobby doing here. Well She is the Darling of Rishi. Hence she is Bobby Darling and playing Ma in law in real life, she is Ma in reel life. Lucky Mascot, Anushka might have given some fresh waves to Akki - that actually this film is worth a watch than the recent Akki starrers. And speaking about it, Nikhil Advani gets a Thumbs up after his Thumbs down for Salaam E Ishq, CC to China. In one word, the film has hit the Bulls eye and (after Yamla Pagla Deewana) looks like more Punjabi Subjects are a Welcome to Bollywood in Hollywood (as the film is set in UK)... a NRI film!

Its More of emotions than comedy in this film that will definitely bring down tears and finally applauds at the stadium scene. With sixers over balls and final overs, the film can be declared a Sure Fire Hit. Finally, Akki can tell that its a HOUSEFULL for his HOUSE (this time PATIALA) and not a nonsense Sajid Khan flick!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: DIL TO BACCHA HAI JI

Film Toh KACCHA hai Ji - This BACHCHA is very amateurish and immature!

Aajkal Ke Bacche bi na... Well, we all know that the Kids today are more like Adults. And the Adults here in Bhandarkar's films are like Kids. The way their love life goes. Stubborn, Greedy and Innocent! Anything is possible in love, after all the heart is a kid! Madhur, you and your actors need to actually grow up! And, I am not kiddin'

A rose is a rose is a rose. And if its a bud, it could go dud, when you propose a girl who you love and also assume that she has the same feeling towards you with the way she behaves. Bhandarkar who made hard hitting realistic films from Bar to Signals, from Corporate to Fashion Shows and ended up in Jail, all this got a Page 3 mileage, but yeh Film Toh Bilkul Bachpana Hai Ji! These Trishakti, has no power at all! Although its a light hearted movie from serious filmmaker Madhur Bhandarkar, It looks amateurish, kiddish (not the way the title relates), Half baked, incomplete film! And if this is what one expects from a National Award Winner, then... sorry, Yeh Film KACHCHA Hai Ji (Very Raw) and Nothing to rave about ACHCHA ya BACHCHA (child like).

And think of it, this BACCHA got an A Certificate Merit from the Censors! Its SEX that Talks in this film! All the Male Counterparts are 'Shaukeen' mizaaz! (The elderly men Ashok Kumar, Utpal Dutt and A.K. Hangal are replaced by not so elderly men Ajay Devgan, Emran Hashmi and Omi Vaidya)

A divorcee, a Casanova and a Virgin stay under a roof and get their love life going. In the process they end up at a disco, bed and a Radio Station with their female costars who play an Intern in his office, A elderly married woman plus her loud step daughter and a Radio Jockey who aims at becoming an actress. The Men fantasies them and have their dreams with them, while the Females have their own dreams and aims and the Men whose heart is like a child goes Bingo! Three Cheers to this Not so Lovable - Love Story!

If Devgan can do comedy at his BEST with Golmaal series and here and there (Athithi, Toonpur), then - YEH FILM TOH KACCHA HAI JI (as his comedy is very raw, nothing to smile upon). Omi Vaidya talks and behaves more or less like a IDIOT in this film too and the Casanova Hashmi gets to do what he is best at! Kiss and Bed with females galore! Shruti Hassan who appears more or less like a special appearance should actually take tips from her great father before she does anything else in celluloid! Shahzan and Shradha are just not promising! The finale with some stars appearing on screen does not even bring smile to your face too!

Overall as the film is about unrequited love, heartbreaks, and renewed hopes, all I can say is the Love is not mortal, heart does not break for the characters and have no hopes with the film to get any awards!

And advice to Madhur: Please make films that are Real and Shocking as that is your forte! Comedy Genre Aapko Suit Nahi Kartha Hai Ji!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: DHOBI GHAT (MUMBAI DIARIES)

DHOBI GHAT is an Intellectual Cinema. But... .

Please NOTE the following while you go to watch DHOBI GHAT:

* Its a out and out Kiran Rao film, who happens to be the intellectual Mrs. Aamir Khan.
* Kiran Rao herself being an Assistant Director earlier is making her debut with this Indian Documentary film.
* Its NOT a Bollywoodish film.
* Do not expect a romantic song, an action scene or a comedy in the film!
* No magic from Aamir Khan (Definitely not going to deserve a award for his performance)
* Aamir Khan is more like a character with minimal scope.
* With or without Aamir Khan, the film does not make any difference.
* Pratiek Babbar reminds you of all his mother (Smita Patil)'s arty films.
* Slumdog Millionaire once again? Yes.. with the way, the films narrative is. But not the way it is portrayed! But, Slumdog wooed the audience, Dhobi will boo... by the audience!
* And lastly, do not expect a Break, as you walk in to the theater to watch the film and walk out, only you realize, that its not Interval but The End.

There’s Munna (Prateik Babbar), a handsome young laundry boy (dhobi) who collects, washes and delivers clothes for middle class Mumbaites like Arun (Aamir Khan), a lauded artist whose oil paintings are no way as haunting as the mysterious package he finds in his new apartment. Then there’s Shai (Monica Dogra), an affluent American born investment banker on a sabbatical in Mumbai who meets and quickly becomes fascinated by Arun after spending the night with him. Finally there’s Yasmin (Kriti Malhotra) a newly married housewife who films an innocent video diary for her brother while sitting at home and yearning for her elusive husband. And most important is Mumbai, the city that never sleeps. It witnesses everything by giving shelter to the 4 characters and leading their journey through longing, loneliness, love and loss.

Having said all this: Its a intellectual film, but...only for those who love to give a stand ovation, applaud, get itself categorized as Critics Film and being labeled as ART Cinema. It doesn't try to thrill, titillate or shock; it is rather like a mellow, low-pitched and laid-back reading of a set of diaries.

P.S: As the film is about a DHOBI (Laundry), it also is a film that can be a Yawn-dry for some! Yes, Yawn and very Dry too! Well, for many who look forward to watch a Aamir Khan film, it can be also a GHATiya film, because what they expect, they do not get! Not a sensitive performance, nor a romantic hero or a action one nor a comic act which is Aamir Khan stamp (Taare, Idiots, Ghajini, Lagaan).

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: YAMLA PAGLA DEEWANA

YAMLA PAGLA DEEWANA is a Mad Crap Fun Film! Three Cheers to the Deols!
Its Triple the fun! Fun on the Run! Canada to Punjab! NRI Punjabi Connection! Bachchans and Khans have been part of Yash Raj and KJo Films. The family tradition, values, masti and big fat weddings. All this and more are now a part of Deol Parivar. Samir Karnik brings the Family Tradition values PLUS David Dhawan logic (which means, don't think, anything is possible in this senseless comedy). Having said that, its a treat to watch the Triple Deols chemistry on screen as Buddies, Brothers and Father Son Combination. YAMLA (Dharampa), PAGLA (Sunny Deol) and DEEWANA (Bobby Deol) have made justice to their roles. Not necessary that the trio play YMD. Its vice versa! Garam Dharam, Jatt Puttar Sunny and Bobby Darling (referring to his romantic image). Bobby with Kulraj Randhawa's love goes Balle Balle on screen, when her family is against. Its Bade Bhaiyya Sunny who helps the lovers unite while also his Comedian Canadian wife for support! Dharampa heads the Family that lives together, has fun together,but does not stays happy together. Thats the reason Sunny comes from Cananda to Varanasi to unite with his Dharampa, who got separated years ago. Its time for a reunion and to have a smiling family pic: and they lived happily ever after!

YPD has a fair share of comedy wherein certain scenes are downright hilarious and are sure to let you have a rollicking time. So, get ready for Masala from the Deol household, that reminds you of 80's and 90's cinema with a mixture of YRF and KJo Punch to it! Its Comedy, Drama, Action, Romance and Item Number (Tinku Jiya) too! Dual Style! (Dharam and Bobby - hence its DEOL style)! In a word: Poora Paisa Vasool for the Punjabi Household! Hadippa!!!

The Only thing I regret is that: Wish Hema Malini would have been a part of the song Yamla Pagla Deewana (making a cameo' that would have hit the bulls eye)

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: NO ONE KILLED JESSICA

EveryONE KILLED JESSICA: Voila! Witness The Brutal Murder on Screen!
Order! Order!!
Prosecutor, please proceed with the case!

Well... herewith I am proceeding with the Review :)

Reality Bites and even Bitches too! (That too Beautiful Bitches do it with elan, style, smoke and gaalis).. Aali re.. Aali re..Rani Mukherji is back on Screen to Scream and does 'justice' to her character as well as the witness and the culprit, with lots of Gaalis... And for which, she gets Taalis too!! You need to witness this! No doubt about it!

Story? I guess this not being a Story, but a Real Incident that the Nation knows it well, that witnessed 12 yrs ago! 1999 Jessica Lal Murder Case that made Headlines on Papers and TV Breaking News! The plot which was been already seen on screen a few years ago with Rajkumar Santoshi's Halla Bol is now a full fledged plot for Rajkumar Gupta's film. The earlier co-incidentally had Vidya Balan being a moral support for the scenes, but here Vidya is the main support who fights for her deceased sister!

No guesses and No surprises and No Suspense, as the murder of Jessica Lal was in the presence of 300 eyewitnesses at the party who all deny being even present there at the time of the murder, with only 7 of them firmly assuring Jessica's sister Sabrina (Vidya Balan) that they will tell the truth in court but they turn antagonistic. Its for the reason that the culprit was a Politician's son and they are forced to remain 'Silent' and they have not seen anything! This is a known fact! The case opens and re-opens in real and in reel too! While Vidya fights for justice, its Rani who gives justice.

Order! Order!!

That's the interesting part of the film, with court martial, witnesses, prosecutors - the questioning parts and the Final Applauds, not to miss the best part - the Candle Light Vigil Walk!

If Gupta's Aamir was exciting and kept one gripped to the seat, Jessica keeps everyone glued to the screen!

A must see cinema that gives Woman Power to rule the Industry! Voila.. No Male Costars opposite the Two Strong Mainstream Heroines! Woman are definitely on top! (without romancing and having the male actors for support)

No one Miss it, Go Witness The Murder and Tell the Truth to your friends to Go for it!
As I recommend everyone to watch the film - I could say Hence: 'EveryONE KILLED JESSICA'!

The Court is Adjourned!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic