Film Review: TEES MAAR KHAN

TEES MAAR KHAN'T rule the box office! Its almost like a C grade Film!
Farah Khan's third installment of masala potboilers, Tees Maar Khan is a total washout! This is nowhere close to Main Hoon Na or for that matter entertaining Om Shanti Om. TMK is entertaining,yes! But only in parts and pieces - while the rest of the film is a dull fare and absolutely senseless. Absurd, weird and utter nonsense! More so, looks like a C grade Bollywood Masala Film and worse - actors like Akshay Kumar, Katrina Kaif and the rest are too loud in the film that our Ear Buds would need relaxation!

Tabriz Khan aka Tees Maar Khan is an internationally wanted con artist infamous for his "half-ROBin Hood" act. He has his three side kicks who are seen hitting Men! A C-grade film actress as his lady love and a Bollywood Superstar dreaming of an Oscar - are all caricatures of this NO PAISA VASOOL film! Heavily inspired by an Italian film, 'After the Fox'. And how is 'After the Fox' plagiarized by Shirish Khunder and made into a Farah Khan film is thus:

TMK is been hired to rob a train that has worth crores of wealth. Its an impossible task and to do so, he enacts as a Hollywood Film Director and with a Super Star (Akshay Khanna) plans to shoot a film at the village wherein the train passes and they plan to stop the train as a part of their film shoot! And the rest, you can easily guess!

A story which has immense possibilities of comedy is reduced to actors trying buffoonery - something often mistaken by filmmakers as guaranteed laughter. Everyone in the film overacts and are desperate for every act! Looks like Farah and Khunder purposely gave such freedom to the actors and told them - do what you want to do! Salman in a Qawwal and Anil Kapoor towards the climax are just a treat to watch! Besides, the Anthem of the season: Sheila Ki Jawaani deserves to be of a repeat value in the Big Screen!

Overall, there is nothing gr8 about this film, and can be watched at your leisure when it hits the Small Screen pretty soon! And yes, Farah - Shah Rukh KHAN guarantee Hits and Blockbusters to you, but a Tees Maar KHAN't, and that is damn sure!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: BAND BAAJAA BAARAAT

Its BAND BAAJAA BAARAAT at Yash Raj Camp - A Must See Family Entertainer!

Finally, a Anushka Sharma did what a Shah Rukh Khan usually does to a Yash Raj Film of lately! A success! Surprisingly, but true! It may be hard to believe what with the recent films that Yash Raj Banner made with stars (Pyaar IMPOSSIBLE, BADmaash Company, Lafangey Parinday etc etc)... Here comes BAND BAAJA BAARAAT (with lots of A + and B + in the title), its a Successful venture for the Banner! Supposedly, this is the final 3 film contract ended with Anushka and the First one to the new kid on the block, Ranveer! Watch out for this new entrant, who by default - will play 2 more films for Yash Raj!

Its time for Wedding Planning and two opposites (Shruti and Bittoo) manage the big fat weddings of Delhi and organize everything required for such weddings. Throughout their business dealings, they face lots of ups and downs and keep fighting with each other as their mantra goes: Never Fall in Love with Business Partners. And saying so, the partners get into some love kiss smooch business! They become Sleeping Partners too!

The film takes a journey about the ‘behind-the scene’ sequences in the big fat Indian weddings. Besides,the locale of the Delhi gallis, the cosmopolitan way of life, the survival of middle class populace in the urban regions, the Delhi colloquial speech (Hindi mixed with Punjabi), the splurging way of the well-heeled group, etc. are shown in a grand comportment with songs, dance, choruses and of course, good performances too! And applauds and appreciations should go to Maneesh Sharma, the New Captain of the Yash Raj Ship!

Finally, I can say: Marriages are made at Yash Raj Banners! And with grandeur and entertainment value. Its SHAADI MUBARAK and SUCCESS MUBARAK for Yash Raj Films! BAND BAAJA BAARAAT in BIG BOLLYWOOD is gonna be a BLOCKBUSTER! No doubt about it!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: NO PROBLEM!

Hey, there is NO PROBLEM! You can give this film a miss!

WELCOME to the Cinema House of PROBLEMS! Now by saying so, dont take it for granted that I am praising the film. There is not even a single scene in the film, that can be praised and laughed upon. NO idea, why this film was made and that too with so much multitalented actors making a fool of themselves. The characters too that they play are eccentric cop, schizophrenic wife, crooks, dons, molls, sexy bimbite and gangs! Every other character has a PROBLEM with the other character. For NO reason at all and the only reason later they all fight is for - diamonds! Cmon, we have seen such films umpteen number of times, where the entire starcast land up at the climax for the diamonds. And guess what, this time WTF (What the Fish!), it swallows the diamonds! And worst come worst, its the Gorilllas who run the climax! It is the worst film from Anees Bazmee who is known for wonderful comedy timers. This time its full of PROBLEMS and fails miserably. This is supposed to be SLAPstick Comedy! Yes, on screen everyone slapping each other just for nothing. Is a Slap Act - Not a scene worth Clap Act at all!

With nothing much more to write, all I can say is - if this film can be considered as a COMEDY, then its just an Insult to all the Comedy films made so far! Its a mere TRAGEDY in the name of Comedy. And there is absolutely NO PROBLEM, if you are missing this film, as you will not miss anything worth watching!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: RAKTH CHARITRA 2

Suriya rises to glory with RAKTA CHARhitRA - 2

Its Blood Story once again! And we cant blame or complain, as we were already warned about it earlier. We were aware of this coming! The Prequel had its share of Blood Bath and the overflow continues with Blood on the Screen with more violence and more torture!

For all those, who had skipped out from the Blood Galore in the First, here is a Flashback (A recap) of the Part I

http://filmalani.blogspot.com/2010/10/film-review-rakht-charitra.html

I would rather put it this way, you like it or you hate it, but you cannot ignore it. And RGV's Charitra is rough, scary, disturbing, horrifying and bloody hell! He loves it too! A man who does not think from the heart, but pours blood out of the heart! Indeed, with so much violence and no violins at all, he could give any viewer a Heart Attack!

Its the rise of the Sun. And this Son (Suriya, the actor who also is the Character - Suriya Reddy) sparkles the screen with his first rate performance. He is here to avenge the murder of his father, who was brutally killed by Pratap. Oberoi and Suriya stand face to face to face all the consequences of their brutal rivalry in and out of Prison. Shotgun Sinha is powerful as the Politician who is for this sequel, a bit Khamosh! Kannada Actor Sudeep has got his due in this film after that minuscule role in the prequel. Here its a RANNing performance. With regard to other characters, they are all Telugu Actors portraying Telugu characters in a Hindi film. (P.S: This is a 3 language film) and for that matter, you almost feel that you are watching a Telugu Dubbed Film!

Despite the overdose of violence, it can be called an intense film, with so many sub-plots. The screenplay also paints a true picture of the political parties with which they were involved, their families and the moral support from their non glamorous women (Zarina Wahab, Radhika Apte and Priyamani) in their lives.

While the Part I was more on reality, the Part II looks fictional. If Oberoi's fans are expecting more from him, sorry guys - this is meant for Suriya's launch pad, so he gets more footage and no doubt that Oberoi has been appreciated, Suriya is the one who takes all the credit this time. And before we say 'all is well, that ends well' - who knows, if RGV is already planning for the third series? And if he seriously does so, then - RGV is indeed a Bloody Fellow!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: KHELEIN HUM JEE JAAN SEY

KHELEIN HUM JEE JAAN SE is not Playful and is infact, Fearless - There is no JAAN in this game! :(

Its History time! Ashutosh's favorite subject. From Lagaan to Swades and Jodha Akbar, his Rashee was good! As he scored A Plus for his Filmology. But, Rashee itself gave a big zero to his marks card with Negative Remarks. So, now, he gets back to his favorite Story - The Pre Independence Era. And this period thriller is of the era that was of our Grandfather's period. Yes, this period film has been set against the 1930's Chittagong Uprising. But sadly, this Uprising is a downfall. And the game that he wants us to see - Fearlessly is again sadly, a game no one would love to see. Its a 'DO OR DIE'' situation. Get back to study the 'novel'. What an idea, sirjee? Yes. Abhishek plays a Bong Sirjee (Teacher) to grown up students and he forms a team with them, colleagues and friends to fight against the British. Saree Clad Padukone is his love interest, who holds up a tennis bat at a scene to play and a gun for riots to play at the BATtle field. There is more love to this playful game, with Sikander Kher and Vishaka Singh forming a pair to play! If Entertainment is what you are looking for, then this is a film with fine performance but to boredom. And this story will actually remain a History in the making! Not for its success, but for its ..... (do I need to say)

Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Sey is a clumsily structured, unevenly paced film, with very few moments to match up to the game. This Novel from Manini Chatterjee to Celluloid wasn't a good idea, Ashutosh Sirjee! Unfortunately, the film is not playful and doubtful that it would 'Play' for a long period in multiplexes across! There is no JAAN in this game!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: BREAK KE BAAD!

Please give me a BREAK! This film is BAD!

Welcome to Yash Raj Films and Karan Johar Films Festival. These two prestigious productions films (DDLJ, Hum Tum, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, I Hate Luv Storys) and a whole lot of other films Love Aaj Kal, Dil Chahta Hai, Khushi, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na.. the list is on and on... Yep.. while you watch Imran and Deepika as characters and their portrayal of scenes - you will guess it right, you have seen such scenes in the above mentioned films. A Khichdi of various films put together is what a senseless and script less film BREAK KE BAAD is all about. Cmon, Kunal this wasn't expected from a critic, who used to talk about other films and now when came to one's own, went ahead to give condolence (oops.... gratitude to friends films) only a way to show how much you love these kind of films.

One should have a proper script, but instead copying various scenes from films and making it look a Filmi Khandaan as the hero and heroine are childhood buddies who grow up watching Mr. India in the theatre and also are Filmi Buff. They talk films, behave like Bollywood actors and even fight. Their chemistry works as friends but when it comes to be lovers, its nil. She goes abroad, he stays back in India. Their love blossoms Break Ke Baad. He goes to meet her and then there is again some Break Failures until alls well that ends well.

Actually, I need a Break! Cant write anything about this film. This Review itself is bad as bad as the film. As the first half is so - so, the Break Ke Baad (After Interval), its actually BAD. It should be re-titled BREAK KE BAD!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: GUZAARISH

Meri Yeh hi GUZAARISH hai: Please watch this film!
Its Magic, Its Magic..... Hrithik sang and danced to a magical glory in Koi.. Mil Gaya, a few years ago. And today in Guzaarish, he plays the Magician who mesmerizes us (the audience) with his wonderful, award winning performance as a quadriplegic patient, who at the very first scene of the film makes this Request (Guzaarish) that he seeks euthanasia (which is asking for mercy killing) from the law.

Now, this is something very new to Indian Cinema. Rather new, it is First ever of this kind. And the Lead Hero's Request is supported by the entire limited starcast - right from his doctor, to his best friend lawyer, his magician student, to his radio listeners to his mother and his nurse!

Meet Ethan Mascranehas who just can talk as a radio jockey and dedicate songs for his program 'Radio Zindagi'. While he chats on Live Life, he himself wants to End Life. With a few mini-flashbacks here and there, that shows us his past of being a classy Magician and performing an dangerous act, looses control and ends up being a wheelchair bound, semi-paralysed patient throughout his life. Though, tragic and emotive, the film celebrates life even if it’s inches away from the devouring jaws of death.

Believe me, this is one of the most relaxed performance by Hrithik in his entire career. Relaxed because, he is only sitting in a wheel chair or lying on the Bed. And by doing so, he comes out with a very difficult act which he performs to perfection. Wow! If you thought Koi.. Mil Gaya and Krrish was one of his best, then you got to see this! If Papa Roshan could get best from him, it is Bhansali who got Hrithik one of the best that no Khans deliver either.

Ish... Speaking of Ash. After being very lively and entertaining in Bhansali's earlier HDDCS and Devdas, here she comes out with a very sensitive performance that is quiet, silent and classy! An eternal beauty she is class as Sophiya, who nurses Ethan for life-long!

The best dialogue that still registers in my mind is: "I love God, and that is why I am dying to meet him!". Such meaningful and such disturbing at the same time. While we celebrate Life, its the climax scene of the film, that makes you shed tears at the finale thanksgiving speech by Hrithik as his guests and well wishers gather to celebrate his farewell. His death!

This is a Bhansali's poetry on celluloid which deserves to be appreciated, applauded and recommended everyone to watch it! After being colorful and lively (HDDCS and Devdas), BLACK and BLUE (Oh, forgive him for 'Saawariya'), here its MAGIC that is lavish in its sets, Hritik and Ash's un-romantic yet beautiful romantic film (You need to watch it to believe it!).

While the film is minus action, minus comedy and minus romance, its just plus points for Hrithik all the way! Slow in parts, but yet, the film deserves to be watched!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: A FLAT

Sanjay and Jimmy deliver A FLATtering Performance! Period!

It’s so fresh to see Sanjay and Jimmy back on screen together after their two well made - well performed musical hit films DIL VIL PYAR VYAR and BAS EK PAL. The third time together in fact is for a horror film, nevertheless, the film falls FLAT but the duo delivers A FLATtering Performance, and that matters the most when you watch them on screen!

Now that the verdict is out right in the beginning of the review, here goes the Post Mortem Report of the film.

Jimmy lands from the States to Mumbai and in lots of tragic incidents takes place in his FLAT. His dad is found dead, his girlfriend goes missing and he himself gets trapped. It’s all because of a past that happened in his absence. His friend Sanjay, a married man had resided in the FLAT a while ago and had played hanky panky with a village belle. And then when the village girl is pregnant, Sanjay plans to abort the kid. What happens next is solved with the mystery from a diary!

Technically, the film is brilliant. The film shot in an apartment (with reference as A FLAT) reminds you of director Ram Gopal Varma’s excellent Bhoot, which was horrifying and haunting too. May be that inspired the producer Raaj Varma to invest in this venture, which unfortunately does not keep you glued to the seats. It’s a thriller for sure, but the horror aspect is not scary. The Performances of the two heroes as mentioned above are excellent. The same cant be said about the leading ladies. And before I mention their names, they are all newbie’s you haven’t heard much about them. Definitely it’s their break, but doubtful if they would be nominated for the Newcomer of the year! Bappa's music is pleasing and has got his Pappa's stamp in a melody number. Well, there are just a few Positive aspects that can be praise worthy; besides that - it’s the screenplay and the direction that falls FLAT.

Overall, the film is watchable once and that is A FLAT review

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: GOLMAAL 3

Keep your minds FREE and go watch GOLMAAL THREE :)

The song in the film goes thus: Go go go golmaal, go go go golmaal.
But I would rather say this Go Go Go GOA-lmaal, Go Go Go GOAL-maal! Go Go Go Go GOLMAAL... GOAL MAAL is back again! And Again with almost the same star cast from the earlier two versions with add ons in GOA (the favorite shoot spot for Shetty) and he hits the GOAL for the third time, after having tested our brains and kept our minds happy for Action Comedy. And this time, its more... hence, keep your minds FREE and watch GOLMAAL (3) Three!
But Golmaal hai bhai sab Golmaal hai... This film is inspired by two of the oldies KHATTA MEETHA and HAMARE TUMHARE, both comedies that was about Two Elderly Couple becoming One and their grown up kids who cant stand each other have to adjust under one roof! What a spoof!

This spoof of old Hindi films, full of camera pans and quick zooms, will nostalgically tickle the funny bone that comprises of a Disco Dancer (Mithun) who is in love with Mrs. Sarabhai (Pathak) and they have their grown up Angry Devgan, Muted Tusshar, Stammering Talpade, Tapori Warsi and Lolly Khemu! And with these 5 Boys, we have a Tomboy Kapoor who has a Face'bow'k with her (I mean a puppy that is called Facebook). But the person who is the main USP is Johny Lever in his Ghajini avatar who has short term memory loss. All this well packaged by Shetty for his third instalment and colorful eyes of Dudley (cameraman)!

Its the climax a la Priyadarshan style, wherein the entire starcast assemble for a LOLLEST finale! Go - watch Golmaal and enjoy the festival with laughter and full time pass entertainment!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: ACTION REPLAYY

ACTION NEECHE: This REPLAYY is not of a RE-PLAY value!

'Awaaz..... Neeche' shouts the Khiladi Kumar in the film. Point to be Noted.
For the first time, you get to see the Bollywood Biggies and Heartthrobs - Akki and Ash PLAYing Parents to a College Going Boy! This Old couple is 'Not Made For Each Other' as they have their own differences, even after their long not-happily married life. Akki spends more time in Kitchen - cooking and Ash spends more time in malls - shopping! Its Woman who wears the Pants and the Man who sobs! And the son, who is scared to marry his fiancée, as he assumes that he would also end up being an example like his parents. He wants his parents to be 'made for each other'. With a time machine of a Antony Gonsalves Scientist, he goes back to the past in 1975 and we get to see Akki and Ash of the era of Rajesh Khanna and Mumtaz. The screen becomes a festival of colorful extravaganza, cliché bellbottom pants, Mumtaz Flowers, Sharmila Wigs, Zeenat Aman glasses and the entire scenario goes back to Old Bollywood! Its that era, where the son who also lands up is all set to transform his father from a silly guy to an eligible bachelor and his mother from a tomboy into the soft beautiful girl next door and make the two fall in love with each other. And this despite all odds (Om Puri and Kirron Kher get to PLAY the comedy baddies). And to give twist - there is Ranvijay and Neha Dhupia too! And what role they PLAY in the film. Ahem! Ahem!!! Are you really interested? What happens at the climax is definitely predicted.

The humour is neither sharp nor slapstick and alternates between so many amateurishly-edited scenes that you would purposefully not try to even find the loose ends. ACTION REPLAYY falls flat and is good and humorous only in parts.
With Elvis Presley and a old Medley music to entertain - get Nostalgic, If you like the word 'Old is Gold'. Ash looks tired and overacts and Akki looks bored and does not reacts. And their performance falls flat. There is hardly some Action in this PLAY! (Which actually is inspired from a Gujarathi PLAY of the same name) Its Roy Kapoor who PLAYs the son is a new talent to watch! And I am referring to 'watch' your time as he gets more screen presence in this Akki-Ash film. So, you would actually want a Time Machine to Stop or Pause at times, instead of Re-PLAYing it. Its Action Neeche (thumbs down) for this REPLAY, which is (for sure) not of a RE-PLAY value! I would not watch this film for the second time. I wished I could take my PSP at the multiplex to PLAY with at times when I wasn't interested to see the boring yawning scenes in the film!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic
Zor Ka Jhatka.. hai Dheere se Lagaa!

Film Review: JHOOTHA HI SAHI

SPEX Appeal: John AbraHAM's in JHOOTHA HI SAHI

Jhoota Kahin Ka! Arey Yahin Ka... John Abraham, Abbas Tyrewala, Pakhi Tyrewala, AR Rahman and everyone who is a part and parcel of the production Cinergy and Tell Tale Pictures are all LIARS and LIARS. That includes one of the Idiot (R Madhavan) who was a good IdioHIT in 3 Idiots, but in this film he looks like one!

Everyone - Right from the beginning of this venture went on raving the product and was claiming it to be 'different'. And this different film is no different from any other 'boring' film!

John AbraHAM' - yes, he almost HAMS in most of the scenes and his scenes are also Hammy ones! He plays a double Abraham. Not double role, tho'.. But plays a Nerdy (Gawd! Not anymore - Enough of Nerds) and a Handsome Guy! One with Spex Appearance and one with a Sex Appearance! But, whatever.. John looks the same, ditto! Same plastic expression to his face! And sex or no spex - its the same! - completely shaved with chickna looks... John woos the director's wife in the film (And this is one of the worst couple of Bollywood).

He owns a Book Store and She a DVD store! But there is nothing in store for the fans! Its Yawn! When on Phone, he is perfect - advising everyone like a Love guru (not to commit suicide) and when he comes face to face - he stammers! A suicide helpline - and his brother and sister in law to help, his gay friends to accompany and a girlfriend beside him (added to which) Maddy's guest appearance as Pakhi's Boyfriend all are a Big Bore to this TYREWALA's Film - And Is Film ko JAANE DO... Before YOU JAANE NA! - Give it a Miss!

(That's because, this film was made by the director who made the Hit film: Jaane Tu.. Ya Jaane Na).. Now, wonder what the hell did he do with this script and a mindless film? Na Jaane Naaa...

And everyone are just Crying (singing): Cry Cry.. I am sure, this AR Rahman's worst score is now in every distributors lips: Cry Cry! or rather they are experiencing it/shedding tears (Cry)! as the amount they spent on the rights for this film - they would at least afford to buy some branded Shoes (as the SHOE must go on! - JHOOTHA hi Sahi)!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic!

Film Review: RAKHT CHARITRA

BLOODY SCREEN: Its gonna be RAKHT CHAR-'HIT'-RA everywhere!

Welcome to BLOOD BANK. Blood of all types - O, A, B, AB Positive and Negative. Loads of Blood Flooded on the Silver Screen. And before you Scream: Khoon! Khoon! Khoon!!! (woah! that sounds like a 70's and 80's Hindi film - wherein a servant comes to the room and sees his Memsaahab murdered with a knife and half a liter of blood on her).. But, here its tons and tons of Blood splashed everywhere! And RGV calls this 'Bloody' film of his - RAKHTA CHARITRA!

Its Gang War in Telugu Desam! Reality Screams on Screen! Indian cinema's enfant terrible may just have peaked in his perennial quest to portray the worst in man. The real rivalry between the Andhra Pradesh gangsters Paritala Ravi and Madela Cheruvu Suri is brought with blood galore on the rusty regions of Anandpur to Celluloid. Its Ravi's journey from a soft-spoken man to a jungle-bound rebel bent on avenging the deaths of his father and brother. And the revenge from both the parties is also politically captured by Shivaji Rao (a take off character from the politician NTR). And whats more, its Blood some more! The film has an Interval and another long Interval (for a period of 3 weeks) before you get to see the continuation of the Bloody Film! Rakhta Charitra Part II to HIT the screens on November 19th.

Now, I mentioned HIT the screens. Because, its for sure, that the film is a HIT. This film is technically brilliant with the Script, Screenplay and the Background score. Direction of RGV with his camera moments doing the magic, its the acting capabilities of Vivek Oberoi and Abhimanyu Singh that gets lots of applauds and could be in the nomination lists of awards too! Shot Gun is impressive as a Politician and his get up is brilliant! Radhika Apte gets little scope and she gets attention! Hey, did you ask for Surya, the Tamil actor? Wait..N Watch for his performance will be highlighted in the II series. And the Kannada actor Sudeep gets No Phoonk this time! He looks more or less like an Extra in the film.

But Yes.. This film is definitely not for the Classes. But for the Masses. And for the Gory and Strong Hearted Ruthless and Stone Hearted Masses, as they would love to see the killings, murders, torture and cruelty on screen. I guess, RGV was a 'Butcher' in his previous birth as he gets his actors enact the brutal killings that a Butcher does with his animal in the slaughter market! (Men being hacked to death, maimed by bloodied sickles, bodies hammered with bullets, body parts strewn around). And this film is strictly avoidable to the Ladies and Children. Meant only for ADULTS and MEN only! Now that is something a PORN film can be! With so much PAIN and CHARITRA-HEEN (as women are assaulted and raped in broad daylight). It can be a Ooh, Aah and more 'Ouch' for everyone watching this PAINFUL film!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: HISSS

Its better to take a HIZZZ instead of watching HISSS... Give it a MISSS!

DISCLAIMER: All that I have written here is from my heart and with all frustration. This review is dedicated to Mallika Sherawat. Hope she and the maker of the film (Jennifer) read this!

I am a die hard Snake Fan. I love to watch Snake films and have watched them right from Nagin in 70's followed by my favorite Sridevi's Nagina and Nigahen and all those films from South (original) and at times the dubbed versions of all those Snake films. Must say, all the Snake films that are made down South with special effect are LOLs.. but interesting to watch.... Although I don't have any fond memories of any movies.

My all time Snake films till date are only NAGIN and NAGINA (of course!). Although NIGAHEN was good, it is only becoz of Sridevi.

Now coming to HISSS... I was pretty excited to watch the film as a Snake Lover and then secondly, had to watch it for you (to write Review). I did watch it late (2 days delay) as I was hospitalized, and when I saw the film yesterday... All that I can say to Mallika Sherawat is:

Main Tera Dushman, Dushman Tu Mera.. Tu Naagin Main Saphera!

Would want to capture her and lock her and torture her. So that she stops going overboard about Hisssing around! She is the worst snake and a weird actress one has come across! And the maker, Jennifer Lynch has to get some crash course in directing. It looks like an amateur film. I would advice her to assist me in one of my film to learn direction :P and this is one of the sarcastic comment for the so called Hollywood Director! What the hell were good actors Irfan Khan and Divya Dutta doing in the film. I am sure, they them self don't have any answer!

Are you looking for a Story?

Jez... there is no story.. but yes... a mixture of many SNAKEWOOD films from BOLLYWOOD. Manllika Sherawat plays a Snake Woo-man! who woos every man, bites him (like a lengthy python plastic snake). A film about NAG MANI and this film made with so much MONEY is not worth a PENNY! The film has no screenplay and the director does not know how to keep the scenes going. The film is just a time pass for people who don't know how to pass a time!

Mallika KISSSES a Python in the film (may be assuming that is Emran Hissshmi) and does nothing but poses Nude for couple of scenes (now, was it her or a body double, who cares?) as the film lacks sense and sensuality and can be categorized as a C grade Snakex Film!

And finally, when I saw a limited people around inside the theater for a night show, rather than watching HISSS.. they were all HIZZZing around! Yep.. this film is better avoidable and give it a MISSS....

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic!

Film Review: ANJAANA ANJAANI

They are No Strangers! ANJAANA and ANJAANI are Waiting to Welcome you at a Theatre Near You!

Welcome to Suicide Strangers. Yes. Anjaana Hero and Anjaani Heroine are on their way to Suicide and the strangers meet. Their suicide plan cancels for time being, and both decide to commit the crime (Sue side). Yes, they sue each other and show each other (their body and bare) as the journey they proceed to suicide, turns out to be both on each other side, falling in love and their plans go haywire! Their plan is scheduled for a 31st December to end the life. And till then, their unfilled wishes has to come true. So they make use of the last 20 days of their life to the fullest before they say 'Alvida' to the world! A romantic comedy, lacks the sentiment and the comedy too (the telugu version was well handled). But... Wait.. don't come to conclusion! Its Ranbir kapoor.. the actor can carry everything on his shoulder. Including Piggy Chops as he Carries her too! (a la Vikram Vetaal poster) And his antics are the Best. So is Piggy Chops who also compliments equally. Check out for their Chemistry as this ANJAANA and ANJAANI will be a hot couple to watch out! And also watch out the DISCO DANCER club number picturised on Ranbir Kapoor.. Jhoomo, Nacho, Aur Iske Saath Naacho Aooo!!! Ooh.. Aah.. Ouch!!! Ranbir almost does a Striptease at the Club! This Kapoor Cub is definitely the Next Super Star!!! (I wish I could direct him someday!)

My verdict to this film: Watch it - As you will Love it - But mind you - don't compare it to JAB WE MET. HUM TUM or other films about Strangers Meeting and Falling (in love)! This is different and it is as the ANJAANA Kapoor and ANJAANI Chopra makes it look fresh and flamboyant with fragrance too! So, go for it!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: ROBOT

Style King ROBOTkanth will definitely endhiRUN at the Box Office! No doubt about it!

Here comes the Magnus Opus. As for now, the Mother of all, or do I say Father of All Indian Cinema. The Biggest Extravaganza cinema. ROBOT - A Man, A Machine and His Mohabbat! It was Two Superstars Big B and Rajni pairing together in Hatricks (Andha Kanoon, Geraftaar and Hum), that created Magic at the Box Office. And today its Rajni pairing with Babu B (Ash) for his Magnificent ROBOT! And it goes without doubt to say, that this film will be sure fire success!

Dr. RAJNIKANTH creates a Machine and puts life into it, that's ROBOT-KANTH who walks, talks, sings, dances, romances, fights and also does all that the Style King used to do over the years. Its Style King ROBOTkanth for now! He is a SUPER STAR who also is a SUPER HERO and turns into a ANACONDA too!!! Shankar's Imagination takes this film for a High Level Feeling of an Extravaganza. While Ash is the love interest of the Doctor, its ROBOT who falls in love with her. It then turns out to be a Triangular love Story between a Man, Woman and a Machine! Tied up with a Biology Love and a Technology Love, Ash is required to be looking stunning and beautiful as always! And that's in Shankar's Jeans (Genes) to make his heroine look lavishly beautiful, right from Ash in Jeans to Manisha and Urmila in Indian and Shreya in Sivaji!

If Avatar can be accepted in India, then ROBOT, no doubt will be accepted everywhere, even in the poor HOLLYWOOD too! That reminds me to add here.. I am not referring it to the HOLLYWOOD in America. But to the poor Kannada film titled HOLLYWOOD, which also has similar story line. But, with low standards and ham scenes between the actors of the caliber of Upendra and Australian Actress Felicity and a no monkey business, the film was a bore to the core! While, Shankar's inspiration from that Kannada film to make a Lavish Rich Production deserves to be applauded and praised to sky level high. (Whoever remembers the Kannada film and would compare, should actually retire and forget the film).

The film is a treat to watch for its graphics, for its color and costumes (Manish Malhotra), for its choreography (Prabhu Deva and Raju Sundaram) and for its melodious and foot tapping music by AR Rahman. And before I forget, the versatile Danny Denzongpha is back as a short time villain (Yep, his screen presence ends up soon) and here comes the new villain - ROBOT who gets Negative after a few reels turn on, but no one is complaining as its ROBOTkanth who is the Villainish Hero of the film!

KHANS beware - Shah Rukh, Salman, Aamir - Here comes RajniKHANt whose acting style is now being copied by his own dupe.i.e, ROBOT! And He is the Big Boss of Indian Cinema!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: DABANGG

DABANGG comes out with THE BANG at the Box office!

He is no doubt the Most WANTED actor today! After the earlier film where he played an undercover cop, here he plays a corrupt police offer who bashes, trashes and splashes the screen with his Chulbul Act as here comes Salman with THE BANG! And what a Bang... it will surefire be a Hit at the Box Office. Whistles, Claps and Repeat value... Well if Rajni-Khan't can do...Then, Salman Khan can do too!!! Salman can be labeled North's Rajnikanth!

Robinhood Chulbul Pandey is not a Hero of the film! Yep, character wise he has negative shades. And that makes him Star par excellence. The Hero who can play a villain to perfection. After other Khan's made it to play the negative character, here comes the MAN - SALMAN who plays the Negative Character so well, that I wish he could play more of this in forthcoming films. No six packs, No brainless comedy and No overacts! But, Bihari Pandey from Uttar Pradesh aka Robinhood makes you laugh and some tears fall down from the cheeks too. The stunts in the film are the major plus point of this rustic Uttar Pradeshish film. Especially the Climax fight is the best fight scene in recent times. And no doubt, this will be the primary reason for Salman fans to go overboard and make the film a super succeess!

Sonakshi Sinha looks fresh, acts confidently and pairs off very well with Salman. Most importantly, she delivers the right expressions and is not overpowered by the galaxy of stars in the cast. And the galaxy includes the family members of Arbaaz Khan and Bhabhi Malaika Badnaam Hui (oops... Munni Badnaam hui is a raunchy sausy item number) and missed out Sohail but had Sonu Sood with Vinod Khanna and Dimple Kapadia for ample support!

Well edited, Excellent Stunts, with Sajid Wajid's songs strategically placed throughout the movie and Abhinav Kashyap's direction Dabangg is a best Gift for cinegoers this Eid and Ganesh time! The Salim Khan family will smile all the way to THE BANG (BANK) for sure.. It is DABANKK!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: WE ARE FAMILY!

Man, Wife, Three Kids and a STEPMOM: WE ARE a Happy FAMILY!

Karan Johar's Step Mom is a beautiful film made for the entire Family! Oh, Did I say KJo's STEPMOM.... well, Yep. Because KJO has Officially and Proudly made this obvious to the world that he is making Stepmom for the Indian audience to be viewed on Internationally. Unlike others who claim to be inspired or to say, this film has nothing to do with that film. Hence, all those who have watched Stepmom know exactly what one can expect to see in the 'officially' remake extended version!

It is Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham in the FAMILY as the members of the family go through the happy and the sad moments in the running time of this rona dhona, hasna khelna, mauj masthi type of fun filled melodramatic Karan Johar types (Sidharth Malhotra film).

Maya and Aman are a Talaqshuda Pati and Patni with three children. Shreya comes as a 'Woh' in the life of Aman and then there is a tiff of tough war between who is a better Mom... The one who gives birth or the one who steps in the home to be the new mom! It is then the tragedy struck when Maya is being diagnosed with a disease that ensures she will not live long enough.

The movie proceeds through the entertaining drama of myriad emotions of love, fun, dislike and grief.

In a nutshell, get ready to shed a lot of tears while you watch this film and yep... get that handkerchief out from your pockets or the tissues out from your wallets! That's needed the most!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: AASHAYEIN

Absolutely this AASHAYEIN has no Hopes at the Box office!

A home for the sick! Yes.. You will have them all.. cancer patient, Aids victim, psychic patient, death bed man, cold, cough, fever, headache and ooh aah ouch... Doctor Doctor... everyone needs little Hope (Aashayein) to survive. But, the film ends up being an arty documentary on the sick galore. Diseases and Lectures.

Cancer ruled the box office once upon a time, whether it was Rajesh Khanna's Anand or Shah Rukh Khan's Kal Ho Naa Ho. But, the same treatment of the patient rejecting his love because of the disease he has, does not go well with Abraham's Aashayein. It falls flat and the charm and the sensitivity is missing!

Aashayein goes wrong in its very choice of theme is that it's not in the league of films that can pull it off well. Each scene, each frame is a forced attempt at appearing perceptive, including plenty of amateurish dialogues and actually you feel you are at a place that is so suffocating. You look at for fresh breeze and walk out of the theater. Thats the best solution to come out of the sickness of watching this film in a hospital (theatre)

Strictly No Hopes with this Abraham film! Abs.. not!

And if Kukkunoor thought that this film could get him or John an award, pity them! As the truth is that - The film will breath its last from the theatres in just a few days time.

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: HELLO DARLING

HELL to this DARLING! You just dont love them, but will hate them!
Believe me, I actually wanted to recommend all of you to watch this film. Reason: Magallir Mattum (Tamil original) was a laugh riot and a repeat watch and the end result - Super Hit. Assuming the same treatment and the same screenplay, watched the Hindi version HELLO DARLING and all I can say is - Keep yourself out from this disaster. Darlings are to be loved, but I just hated these darlings.

The plot of the film goes thus: Javed Jaffrey is a lecherous boss and always eyes on women. His staffs are filled with Women. As he eyes them, the three staffs (Celina, Isha, Gul) take advantage of him and kidnap him and then, run the office on their own. The rest of the staff do not know whats happening. Its then, a corpse has to be traveled along with the girls all around as a human. Sounds funny (yes, in the tamil version) but... you cant even smile at a single scene here. Sunny Deol pops up in the climax as the Boss and the film comes to an end.

In a nutshell, the film is sick, boring and a bad remake. Its a mindless and a senseless film. Never expected Subhash Ghai, the showman to make such type of film, that could have been made well and the comedy could have been a clap worth and whistle twistle too. But.... least said the better.

Hell to this darling!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic
(Hate to even write a review for this film)

Review: LAFANGEY PARINDEY

LAUGHINGey PARINDAY is a remake of all 3 South Indian Films!

Yash Chopra's production Lafangey Parinday is about two chawl friends Nandu and Pinky. Nandu is a small time rowdy and Pinky is a skate dancer who wants to win a reality show. A few reels later, her dreams are shattered as she is been hit with a car and in the process looses her eye sight. And Nandu takes care of her, becomes her strength and dances with her and becomes her eyes.. Reason: Guilty as he was the one who hit her and Pinky is unaware of this. When the reality opens up, there is a break up and then filmi style patch up!

This film is a take off from old Rajesh Khanna film Dushman but a remake also of the Tamil film Thulladha Manamum Thullam (Vijay and Simran) remade in Telugu as Nuvvu Vastavani (Nagarjuna and Simran) and then in Kannada as Oh Nanna Nalle (Ravichandran and Isha Kopikkar).

The film fails miserably in its screenplay. As central as it is to the flick, Lafangey's key plot twist is one of the places where it blows it. When the promos show a blind heroine, and the film opens with a heroine who is not blind, the impending disaster that you're expecting to handicap her makes the first act of the film a less-than-thrilling experience. Pradeep Sarkar who gave Parineeta gave Chunari Main Daag and his Daag is not removed as Lafangey is not upto the mark. Its the music by R Anand that is fresh and Deepika's performance that one can watch for. Mukesh is not convincing as the Boxer. Aditya Chopra, stop producing Reality show based films (Aaja Nachle, Rab Ne Bana di and now Lafangey)! Instead Yashji wake up and get going to switzerland and bring those nostalgic snowfalls and chiffon sarees, as even today, those will be cherished!

On the whole, this film was more of a Laughing Parindey! Laughing because, you will feel like for the way the actors behave on screen. Except Deeps the rest are not convincing. Its a total Padukone film. Also, a film that can be viewed and forgotten the next moment. Nothing to watch it and recommend too!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Film Review: PEEPLI [LIVE]

PEEPLI is very [LIVE]ly

An actor like Aamir Khan producing a film in a village. Minus Stars, Minus Grandeur, Minus Costumes, Minus Him! Wow and still the film is LIVELY. Yep, one can definitely like Peepli very Deeply. And thats the Plus Factor of this rustic, low budget venture!
Two very poor farming brothers take loan for their livelihood and when they are not in a position to repay, they dont have any other way than to commit suicide as the family will get the pension. And they decide to, but the sensation creates as the Media tries to cover it and make it a Breaking News for its TRPs. Political issues and Farmer's plea takes this realistic film to a different level!
The film deserves to be exempted from tax and released as an Educational Documentary. Although entertaining, the film is more like a documentary and is a must watch for audience of all ages and all caste and creed. A farmers plight and a businessman's delight - its a film for Class and Mass too.
Do we really need actors to get the audience to the theaters? Definitely no. But a good script handled by the director (first time journalist director) and a stamp of Aamir Khan as a producer is more than enough for this film to be already going House full. It can be declared right today, SUPER HIT!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic - Loved it!!!

Film Review: AISHA

AISHA turns out to be sweet little boring film!

Going through this film, it can be said that Marriages are made in Delhi! With Belly girls to hang out, this film is full of freshness and cute scenes. New faces galore and smiles to resist, the film is also slow and even makes you go zzz.... Aisha is a match maker and also a match breaker. She is the make over for her friend, whom she considers a 'Bechari' and all the guys a 'Bechara'. In order to get her a perfect partner, Aisha connects people and then guide them from her point of view, lifestyle and dating too. Things dont work out and the relationship is broken. There are three plus pairs who swap their partners and finally, you don't know who was dating whom and who was smooching whom in the closet (inside the car or inside the bar). Smooching someone's partner in his/her presence and he/she not reacting to it - wow! This is Aisha's screenplay! The character of Aisha comes out to be more than a sweet girl. Her friends circle - hot men and behcari behenji girls to mama's boy to bold girl are all - equally supportive in this film. It could remind you of Jaane Tu... but that magic of Jaane Na... is missing in Aisha!

This Miss India (Mr. India Ki Beti) is a treat to watch. She is there in every frame (after all its her home production). Abhay Deol is a prop in the film and looks smart. Their love chemistry does not digest as it looks like it is forced nearing the climax, without they being attracted to each other at all. The music is a hit especially the Gal Mitti Mitti number.
Overall, AISHA is a sweet little un-romantic film that actually is boring!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Review: ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAAI

Watching this film, you definitely get Rewinded to those days when you were in 1970 - ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAAI
Don, The Great Gambler, Shalimaar - These were some of the films that were made in 1970s. And now you get to see a new film with the old style. Once Upon A Time in Bombay (hey, its about 70's and the city was called Bombay) just recreates the same magic and feel that was seen by the generation who are now used to popcorn cinema in multiplex.
Its Blast from the Past as Its the Time for RETRO - All you Gen X guys who have missed the drama, action, dance and the feel of Bell Bottom Pants, Cabaret Dances, The Looks and the Costumes and of course, BOMBAY of 1970 - get ready to watch it on a multiplex with whistles and applauds. Its a wonderful experience. And worth a watch and your penny! The movie revolves around the lives of the two gangsters Haiji Mastan and Dawood Ibrahim played by Ajay Devgn and Emraan Hashmi. The movie has a beautiful way of describing the time of the Underworld period. Ranaut and Desai playing their lady love Dolls and sweethearts. The clash between the two gangs (minus the guns and wars) but only with the sharp hitting dialogues (wonderful) is the USP of the film. The music is also pleasant especially the Pee Loo number.
Well, I will not divulge you the story of the film - as this is one such film which I would strongly recommend all of you to watch it for the experience that I had cherished and most of you too, of watching a film in the 70's. Hatts off to Milan Luthria and Balaji Films for bringing this 'old' formula in the 'new' film that is worth saying 'Old is Gold'

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Review: KHATTA MEETHA

Bahuth hi KHATTA aur kuch MEETHA nahi! - yeh film PHEEKI hai!

So you all must be waiting to see the antics of Sachin Tichkule, who has been showing everyone the 'Road' to failure! Yep.. I am forced to use this sentence right in the beginning, as the road to success is hardly seen in the film. Do not go by the trailers, that seems to be promising and by the Television channels where Akki happens to be the guest at every other serial and reality show. This Reality is that - The film falls flat and therz nothing Bitter neither Sweeter about this Malayalam remake of Priyadarshan himself. Corruption and Murder. Road Block and Tractor Factor. There are more Pot Holes in the film and also in the script. This road to Akshay Kumar's successful career is definitely a failure. Priyadarshan's magic has lost and the climax is nothing worth laughing! Remember that, all Priyan's climax makes you go Ha Ha Ha.. Hee Hee Hee.. But, this does not!
Now for some Khattas and Meethas.
All about Bribe and no Bravery (Akshay is not in his Khiladi form) and his comedy does not evoke laughter. Very Khatta. Not at all Meetha. More like a Ordinary Man (with his dress code of a Government employee), Akki does not impress the cine goer. Trisha could have had a better launch in Hindi. After seeing her in this film no one would compliment her for her 'Pheeki' role. Very Khatta. Not at all Meetha. The only four actors who are more Meetha's for their role (performance) are Johny Lever, Rajpal Yadav, Mohan Joshi and Asrani (the best amongst the entire cast)
Overall, this film is neither KHATTA (Bitter) nor MEETHA (Sweet), but very PHEEKA (Tasteless). Rather, go and watch the old film of the same name (not the same story) - KHATTA MEETHA or catch the SALT (Angelina Jolie) film! coz sometimes its better to taste your buds with different flavors!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Review - LAMHAA

Yeh LAMHAA bahuth hi disturbing hai!
Kashmir - The Name itself makes you imagine of the snow valleys and the ice skates! A beautiful land (paradise on earth) wherein Hindi films romantic songs were picturised down the years. The most beautiful one being 'Roja' song - Yeh Haseen Wadiyan, Yeh Khula Aasmaan!
The same Haseen Wadiyan is been shown by Rahul Dholakia with shocking and breath taking moments in the film that deals with terrorism, politics, militants, CBI, Officers, Agents. Thats the issue here. The Kashmir issue. It was Parzania then by Dholakia that was disturbing and today its Lamhaa that is still disturbing.
The army gets wind of some big operation by militants in Kashmir. Its Election time and Dutt enters but in a disguise to investigate the polls, so that everything goes normal. Kher is the biggest leader in the state who has been guiding the state since Bees saal. Opposing him is his once right hand man and an ex-militant who has turned to peace, Kunal. Bips is been adopted by Kher. When the truth is revealed its a web of conspiracy that threatens to derail Kashmir's only hope and Bips love interest Kunal.
The film has lots of twists and turns that confuses the audience. But, technically the film is of International standard and deserves to be applauded and seen in festivals on the worldwide platform.
Sanjay, Kunal, Bipasha and Anupam are all excellent in their performances. Its Mithoon's song that keeps you haunted. And yes, Dholakia's film is actually disturbing!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

REVIEW: AMEN

AMEN - A MEN 2 MEN Film!

The Poster says: Life does not chose your parents or sexuality! And then, boldly the title AMEN. Guess what the title has to do with the film that is about 2 Gay Men. Well the explanation goes thus: God created Man and said AMEN. So, God created himself in a human form. And we say, God is within us. So a Man is within a Man! And that we reflect ourselves on the Mirror!
Well.. this explanation is definitely one's imagination and not justified in the film.
While I mentioned its MEN 2 MEN film, its because the film is about these 2 MEN (Jitin Gulati and Karan Mehra) and directed by 2 MEN (Ranadeep Bhattacharya and Judajit Bagchi).
Now let me get on to the plot.
Meet Andy (Jitin) - A Handsome 'Man' who is all set to get committed (married) and before doing so, wants to experience sex. But does not want to indulge in pre-marital sex, does not want to go to a sex worker, instead knocks the door of another Man whom he hooked up for Sex.
Meet Harry (Karan) - Another Handsome 'Man' who is a Gay. He is all excited when the hook up Andy walks in to his residence. All alone and sexcited to get into the act.
Andy and Harry without wasting time, get undressed and get into the act. But... there lies the hitch! A dramatic twist takes place and Andy gets frustrated. How the two of them interact with their past forms the rest of this bold short film!
The film hits you like a shot in the heart. The way the duo directors have got the duo actors to perform is to be appreciated. The duo equally compliment each other with their 'Body' Language as well. They both were indeed 'Men' for each other! While Karan is more on a softer side, its Jitin whose performance registers! The three other Plus point of the film is: Excellent Cinematography, Good Background score and the Perfect Location that of a Furnished Artistic House.
Hatts off to Harish to have made this project and the back up he got from his friends. He definitely needs a Thumbs up and pat on his back! A Gay to go! (oops, Way to go)
And I end this review with a prayer that - the film do wonders in festivals abroad and win the team an award too. AMEN!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Review : MILENGE MILENGE

..MILENGE? Audience Shahid aur Kareena ko kabhi nahi MILENGE!

Remember Shahid and Kareena - Jab They Met... It was a Super Hit! Now, after 2 years they are meeting again on screen which they had met Six Years Ago! Did you get that! Well, Its almost 2 years now since Jab We Met hit the screens and now Boney has released a film that was made 6 yrs ago. But, will they meet again as the posters say 'Milenge Milenge'. Yep, on screen of course. Of screen, No chance! As the film has hit the halls - there has been no Bebo and no Shasha doing the promotional activities at all. They actually are not interested in Milna. They are happy being Split!

Getting back to the film, if you have thought that the film is a remake of 'Serendipity. You are Right! But, wait, this is Satish Kaushik's film. So its obvious that he remakes films from South. And why not, this Southish Kaushik has copied frame to frame a lot of scenes from the Madhavan - Nisha Kothari starrer Tamil film 'Jay Jay' which was over 7 yrs now! And with my Review here - Its Official! Milenge Milenge is a remake of a South Film 'Jay Jay'.

Bebo needs a Baba in her life who has Good Qualities and is a strict No No for Smoking, Drinking and Telling Lies (In this era, Kaun Hai Jo Aisa Kartha Hai?).. Every Human Being is a Liar! Liar!! And Baba who wants to get Bebo, happens to read her personal diary and pretends to be of her choice hiding all his Negative Habits from her. When the truth is out, they split. Destinations elsewhere! Judaai Judaai! Well, in between this a 100 Rupee Currency with a Phone Number in it travels around India from North to South, East to West from the beginning of the film till it reaches the Climax - and that Currency unites the Lovers! Sirf Tum, anyone once again? So.. If you feel that you are watching a 2010 film, think twice. It is a 'period' film that happened years ago and finally hits the halls today!

The film is fine in some parts and yawns in many sequences. Shahid overacts and Kareena is overweight. The chemistry between both of them is as good as they were in those forgettable flicks like 'Chup Chup Ke, 36 China Town and Fida'. Jab We Met was an exception of the couple that will never ever be recreated again! Definitely not with this pair ever! So, I guess with this film NOT doing well, and the chemistry between the two have lost, Kareena is SAIF today!

About watching the film, All I can say is this film can be easily skipped at a multiplex and wait for some more time before you happen to see it on a World Television Premiere on your Small Screen at Home!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic!

Review - I HATE LUV STORYS

I don't HATE this LUV STORY :) - Its A HIT Luv Story!

Raj aur Simran. Yeh Naam toh suna hi hoga. Yes..DDLJ, which was not a Karan Johar film, but he had assisted Aditya Chopra for that film. Today, KJo's assistant (Punit) has directed I Hate Luv Storys and has brought in Raj and Simran in it. But wait, this Raj and Simran are not SRK and Kajol, they are Sameer and Sonam. Cute lovers, Raj woos Simran daily with his bunch of white Roses to her. Popcorn Dating, Ice Cream Eating, Romantic Candle Light Dining - Everythingz Fine. Their Luv chemistry is average on screen until a Casanova flirt Imran (J) comes in picture who Hates Luv Storys. (Looks like he is an RGV fan, who cant stand KJo type of films) and cant withstand Romantic Film Maker Sameer Soni's love subjects. But, has to work under him as his assistant director and has to also be a colleague to Simran, who is an art director and luv's romantic films. Yep.. The subject of the film is a film atmosphere with the setting of a film set. You gonna watch a Film set in a Film theater. Jai (Hates) and Simran (Loves) Luv Stories. While Simran always believe in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, J ko Kuch Bhi Nahi Hota Hai. The opposites do attract after a while and then, finally Jai ka Dil Toh Pagal Hai. Its Luv which wins! J Loves LUV story and poor Raj hates luv storys. Lol!
Do not get confused with the way I have written this review.
The film reminds you of Jaane Tu.. (not because the similarity of Imran Khan's character and his presence), but the feel of the film and the climax (with a interesting one here). And besides this, lots of scenes will remind of of other films for sure! But, you cant tell them as remakes, its inspiration. What say, Its all Filmi. Right?
Well.. I do luv Love stories and I have loved all Yashji and KaranJo's love stories (Lets be practical, Kjo's films are more like Yashji's and Adi's films... so they are like a Family). I luvd Lamhe, Chandni, Darr, DDLJ, Dil To Pagal Hai, Kuch Kuch, Kal Ho Na Ho, Kabhi Alvida...
But I did Hate a few of Adi's products like Thoda Pyar No Magic, Nil N' Nikky etc. So, in a way we do Hate Luv Storys too.
But, this one is NOT to be hated. Its a film that every teenager would luv to watch with his/her valentine. Debutante Punit Malhotra has presented the film in a way Yashji presented Dil To Pagal Hai and KJo presented Kuch Kuch Hota Hai in the initial beginning. But with more colors, fashionable clothes (excellent Manish Malhotra creations) and beautiful settings which is a treat for your eyes. Roses, Chocolates, Clothing's, Greetings, Songs, Gifts and lotsssa more that today's generation loves. Go watch it.
The film according to me should be 'HIT' LUV STORYs. (As the film will be HIT for sure).

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic
I Love LUV Storys!

I AM Because of YOU - Showcasing Onir's FOURthcoming Identities

I AM so excited to write a Review about I AM. But, someone is stopping me from writing it. Do I listen to him? Or do I write? Well, I think I should listen to him and not write the review now. Well, the person who is stopping me to write the review is MYSELF. The Inner self. My conscious. My heart is not permitting me to write. Dil Hai Ki Manta Nahin.... Why? Because, although I am greedy enough to share the review first - the good soul inside me, says: Have patience. You have seen it. Its not only Your Film. Its EVERYONE's film. It reminded me of the entire crew (Anticlock Films), it reminded me of the Critics who have watched so far, it reminded me of the near and dear ones of Onir who have watched and above all - It reminded me of Almost the Audience (YOU) who have invested in the film.
Well, you have waited so far. So wait for a few more days as I AM will be released shortly. And I do believe, this film will be the only film that should be watched directly and NOT by going through a review/critic. Everyone has a Right to Write Praises about this film!

To give you some information about the film.
Let me Clarify here: This is NOT a Review. But a PREVIEW.
I happened to see the film on Friday Night at a Preview Theater with Onir, Juhi Chawla, Abhimanyu Singh and Akhil Chaudhary (the assistant director). Besides the other guests included Harish Iyer (on whom the film Abhimanyu is based), Vivek Vaswani, Juhi's mom and Abhimanyu's family and a few of Onir's friends - as we were all there for a support. A support for good films and Onir always delivers - subjects that one can always treasure as Bests of Bests.

And, here he has delivered Afia, Megha, Abhimanyu and Omar (although I happened to see a premature baby as the film has some work to be completed - as in the titles and a few post production work, before the First Copy is out and yet to be Censored for the ticket audience to watch) - The film is PROMISING!

The film starts with a Bong and ends with a Bong (Of course, its also made by a Bong). It starts with Afia (Nandita Das) and ends with Omar (in which Rahul Bose features). You could read it either ways too. Stars with a Bang and ends with a Bang (now the definition of it - wait till YOU watch it)

The journey of Afia from Kolkatta moves to Megha in Srinagar and then Abhimanyu residing in Bengaluru and finally Omar in Mumbai. And Suraj, Rubina, Natasha and Jai travel along with them in their journey. So, When the film is titled I AM AFIA, MEGHA, ABHIMANYU, OMAR.. It can also be referred as I AM SURAJ, RUBINA, NATASHA, JAI... Because.. I AM BECAUSE OF YOU .. And the YOU are the other equally supporting characters on screen.
And Off Screen, I AM (Onir and Suri) BECAUSE OF YOU (Co-Producers/Co-owners/Investors/Audience).

Getting back to On Screen - The First Half are ruled by Women and the Second Half - the Men take over completely. (While writing this note.. my fingers go on to write the Review - But again.. the keyboard 'Delete' button takes over as my Inner soul does not permit me to write. And I am gonna end up with presenting a Showcase of the Film).

The Positive Side of the film is: Sensitive and Appreciable performances by everyone, excellent camera work by Arvind Kannabiran, songs to hum and to have it downloaded as your ring tone, Perfect Presentation by Onir - With the Collage of the Foursome identity films into One.

And the Negative Side of the film: Wish the film was going on for another few more extra 25 minutes. Onir, why did you drop out the Fifth Project 'Rudra'? Yeh Dil Maange More. Wish we could watch some more identity of I AM :)

Overall, the Film is worth every 'Penny'. It will shock you, it will give you goosebumps, it will bring a smile on your face and will shed a few tears down your face! And all those who have invested in the film through Facebook. All I can say to you is: KEEP SMILING, as I AM will make you PROUD. A film that will be treasured for years to come!

Onir definitely needs to be hugged, applauded, praised, rewarded, awarded and given a Standing Ovation at every show that it is been shown. If the multiplexes now start with Jana Gana Mana in the beginning (which forces us to Stand - as a respect to the Anthem), by default - We need to finally give a Standing Ovation for the Outstanding Film that Onir and Suri have jointly produced via Anticlock Films.
And I mean it!

For more Information about the Film: Visit: http://www.iamthefilms.com

Sundeep Malani
I AM proud to be one of the 'Assistant Directors' of Abhimanyu and Omar

RAAVAN Review

TWO in RaaONE Review: Mani Ratnams character has WON my heart - RAAWON!
Please Read this review carefully and then make your decision and comment.
In the beginning of the film the disclaimer comes as usual : This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Now let me get to the film. Mani Ratnam has infact not credited the story to anyone in the titles but has had his name in screenplay. Note that! The story rights of the film is with Valmiki :)

The epic Ramayan's plot - 14 years of Vanvaas is retold here with 14 days of Ragini's RaaVanvas. She is been kidnapped by Beera and tied all the time like a dog, cow and a goat. Welcome to Water Kingdom - as the entire film is shot in waters. Its raining (drizzling) throughout the film and so we have actors without the make up. Mujhe Behne de Mujhe Behne de..... Rahmans music flows along!

The posters say Is there a Ram inside Raavan? Very true, Ratnam brings this out in the film and one can always fall in love with this evil character as he is a heart of gold. But, its time to actually hate the goody Ram who is not a good hearted man as Valmiki described in his book. This Ram (Dev) shoots at innocent and is a coward too. While, Raavan (Beera) is a evil with a heart of gold. Sita (Ragini) actually finds sympathy towards the evil. If Sita had to go through the Agni Pareeksha to prove her innocence, here Raagini is asked by her beau to do a Polygraph test to prove her virginity. And Ragini is todays woman. So, you cant expect her to sacrifice, Instead.... watch the film as the climax is the best part of the entire film, which is open to the audience to actually think about and to debate about.
Come to Reality with this Reelity film - Valmikis version has been followed since ages, Ratnams version is more real in today's corporate world.
More so, Shurpanaka's character is on a positive side while Lakshman is shown to be a rapist. Who 'Nose' the truth, he actually chopped her nose or he played with it.
In the film, Hanuman (Sanjeevini) is shown jumping from tree to tree before you say One two tree - as poor Govinda did not get a chance to sing and dance, he acts like the Monkey in the Jungle. Also, from nowhere reaches the den of Beera to meet Ragini (The plot of Hanuman searching Sita, but unfortunately he does not lit the fire in the camp). So, let me lit that fire here - Is Ram Sena listening and watching this film? As Ratnam's film actually shows - the Evil to be Good Spirit and the Goody to be Devil. Inside Ram is Raavan and Raavan has Ram in him.

Coming to the film - I watched both the versions. Tamil and Hindi. And let me add here even though the scenes and the characters are the same, the way it is portrayed on screen makes a lot of difference.
And truly speaking performance wise, Prithviraj is good as the Hero in the Tamil version. This is definately not Aishwarya's best work till date. Govinda and Karthik (playing Hanuman) is good to be mocked for their character. Bhojpuriya Ravi Kissen can get claps from his Bhojpuri fans, while Shivaji Prabhu enacting the same in Tamil version does not impress. Priyamani for Tamil is a plus point but does not find any sympathy for her character in the same role in the Hindi version. Nikhill Dwivedi (playing Lakshman - not the brother here)'s nude scene is applaud worthy. That brings us to the Nation's Villain in Hindi version - Abhishek Bachchan - He is good as the character Raavan. Performance wise, Terrifying, Psychic and Innocence - Abhi deserves to be nominated for the character. Vikram fails in his Hindi debute as the Hero, but he is excellent in the title role in Tamil. And to compare between the two Raavan's its Vikram who wins over Abhishek Bachchan as RaaWON (only the character).

Getting back to Mani Ratnam's film - I sometime wondered if this was a Ram Gopal Varma film, as the way it is shot reminded only of a RGV film. And if Ram Gopal Varma made his Aag, this is Mani Ratnam's Paani. RGV made the Famous Villain of all time (Gabbar) redo with Big B and Mani has tried the Famous Villain of All era (Raavan) try out with the Chota Bachchan, unfortunately - the film does not have a single dialogue that refers to him/or says that his name is RAAVAN.

And about the verdict of the film - I said, I loved the character of Raavan as the Evil has WON my heart and not the film. The film fails miserably and my friend who was watching the film slept for most of the time in the hall as he found it boring - I had to tell him wake up KUMBAKARAN, you have come to watch RAAVAN

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

Review: RAAJNEETI

Jha has RAAJNEATLY done this MahaBHARATIYA RAAJNEETI

First Things First. This Politically acclaimed film is NOT about the Gandhis and Nehrus. Katrina Kaif is NOT playing Sonia Gandhi. Ranbir Kapoor is NOT playing Rajiv Gandhi. Naseeruddin Shah is NOT playing Nehru and neither is Manoj Bajpai's character anything to do with actor/politician Chiranjeevi. Now, let me get thru the story. It is a modern day replication of Mahabharata where swords, bows and arrows are replaced with ballot war and lot of bloodshed. In the movie it is shown that how politics is not about running the country but it’s a thirsty war for power. Films have been made up earlier with the same topic (Remember, Shyam Benegal's Kalyug). I hate Politics to the core, but I somehow liked Raajneeti. There is Kunti (a new lady) and her son (Karna). Shah plays the Father whose other Pandavas are Bajpai, Ramphal and Ranbir. Patekar plays Krishna! Oops.. He does not save Katrina's cotton saree as she is not Draupadi here. Period, it is a Political MahaBharatiya Raajneeti. With too many characters to justify the Epic and too many confusions on screen, this is a melodramatic film that can be definitely a two time watch. And watch it for the Ghazab pair (Ranbir and Kaif) which actually is Ajab and Ghazab. Kyunki their Kahani goes twist in the tale. There is politics in their romance, as they get way with different partners, Sarah and Ramphal. Ajay looks like he has walked into his Gangajal/Halla Bol character. Bajpai, Puri and the rest play their roles to perfection. I would love to vote for this Political Party (Ranbir and Katrina) and recommend everyone to watch the film as Jha's film is Politically Perfect (for entertainment). Jha has made this film Raajneatly! Dirty Politics yes. But Neatly done!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic

KITES: Film Review

Will this KITES fly high? I wish it should, because of HrIThik for sure!
Rakesh Roshan's (note that.. only as a producer) KITES has a blend of 4 languages. Hindi, English, Spanish and the fourth one - Body Language. English (Hrithik), Spanish (Mori) and Hindi (Ranaut) love story is that the two lead players cant understand each other's mother tongue. But what one can feel and understand is the Body Language. And the chemistry between Hrithik and Mori is the best scene (seen) in recent times.They surely deserve the Hot Romantic Couple Award (also termed as Jodi No.1). The film truly is a Bollywoodish film made on International Standards. You are 'bout to watch a Foreign Film with Indian Actors in it.

Its Flashback time. As the film starts from the End to several incidents in Hrithik's exciting fast paced life and back and fro, the flashback to present sustains in the film. A Vegas Taxi driver in Mexico woo's every other woman and then marries her, for the sake of dollars and getting a Green Card. Woah!! Yet its not permanent relationship. Ranaut is one such girl and so is Barbara. They meet and split. Again to reunite and this time, true love attracts both of them. The Greek God runs away with his pretty engaged fiancee/wife to exotic locations, speedy cars and zoom vroom sequences. Hair raising incidents and Plot twist followings to a Climax that the recent generation had never seen before. But the older generation has had seen it in 1980's (Ek Duje Ke Liye).

Basu is known for his realistic, jaw dropping and enthralling films, but Kites would definitely seem an unusual outing for him. Yet, Kites works and only because of Anurag! While the writing of the film is flawless, Anurag’s handling of the script is the silver lining. Each scene is handled with such care and precision that the characters and situations are captivating.

Barbara Mori is a refreshing actress to watch. Apt for the role, one could wish that she would get more Bolly offers. But thats a million dollar question as every film in the making will not want a character like hers to fit in. Ranaut has no scope in the film, except for small few scenes at a casino and a Fire Dance with Hritik. There is this brilliantly executed Latin infused instrumental number that showcases the dancing talents of Hrithik Roshan.

Its only Hrithik and Hrthik that one can put his penny to watch the film. He is truly the Hero - who carries the entire film on his shoulders and can flag the Kites to high point with the home banner FilmKraft to get in moolah from across the globe (It has International Version too). I would re-baptize his name as HIThik Roshan!

Language No Bar. Sex No Bar. Is Film ko kya tum dekhoge Baar Baar. Yes.. for HITik's sake; the style, the demure, the look and the feel of the film (no matter it may be boring for some, but the bottom line is that - Only the Persona and the Presence of Hrithik - this KITES will definitely fly High!

Sundeep Malani
I luv Hritik!
A Film Critic!

Film Review - BUMM BUMM BOLE

BUMM BUMM BOLE.... Masti Main Dole : The Adidas 'SHOE' must go on!

Brother - Sister Bonding of Darsheel and Ziyah takes you to the innocent world which will drive a cohesive force for a family to come with their children and watch this shoe (show). Safari losing a shoe and then going to the school with the exchange of the shoe from his leg to his sister's and then finally running a marathon to win a shoe for his sister makes the film a worth while watch. Although the film is a bit boring at places, the innocence of the child actors (who can be called superstars.. as they have pulled in the crowd to a Full packed theater) is applauding. And guess what, this comes from a mad caper director Priyadarshan, who for a change does not have Akshay, Paresh and Shetty in his film. But with an Adidas to sponsor the film's shoe - the 'Children of Heaven' looks very branded and ends up losing the charm at many places. Remember Ghai's Yaadein that went of 'memory' because of the 'In film ads' forced upon even at a emotional scene? Ditto goes here too.The film is about the Shoe... And Brand Adidas puts in moolah and spoils the scene too as the camera has to focus on the brand.
Performance wise, Atul Kulkarni and Rituparna play the parents to perfection. But its the Kids (here in this film, its not Darsheel but the Baby Ziyah (Antara from Zee TV) who can pull in the crowd and this doll is surely to be cuddled, hugged and worth to pay a multiplex amount to watch her on big screen!

Sundeep Malani
Film Critic